My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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