it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
