is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
