So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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