I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
