I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
