Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
