If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
