Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
