I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
