She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
