nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
