Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
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