I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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