I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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