I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
