i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
