And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
