Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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