How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
