I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
