The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
