Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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