Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
