It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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