I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
