hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
