i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
