So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
