Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
