woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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