I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
