If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
