Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
