Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm getting married
To pizza
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
