I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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