Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
