guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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