Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
