There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
