I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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