fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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