I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
