After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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