I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You left your phone here
Wait...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
