Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
