good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
