I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
