Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
