oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
