No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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