did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I would fuck him just for his dog
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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