my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
