My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up under a house in Key West
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